Y Monday, April 16, 2007 Y
The prev entry is on my first impression of shanghai after a week or so. Thk I hv provided quite a general scene when one roam about the streets and roads of shanghai. Not to forget those who sent me their regards and wishes before I embark on this 4mths trip. They include
wendy, siew wai, wanling, xinjie, amy, eve etc. If I can recall correctly, these should be the few of them. Sorry to the rest if I cant remember your names but am equally thankful. I am really very thankful for your words of encouragement especially siew wai (凡事都要忍cos u r meilu!!!), xinjie & eve (we r here to support u) & last but not least wendy (Take this OSIP as a great & golden opportunity. Don’t look back! I am sure u can do it! 你可以的! Show your best performance over there. Take this challenge and show to everyone you can make it! Make this experience worth the money…) Aww… I’m touched to hear all your moral supports for me. Most valuable gift is to receive wishes from u guys.
Whenever I am feeling low, I would look around me and I know there’s friends out there waiting for my return, waiting for my good news, waiting to see what have I achieved, waiting to hear interesting encounters, waiting to gossip, waiting to listen my stories, waiting waiting and waiting. Many times I would re-read my hp messages to either kill time or wanna recollect the moments I had when those messages were sent. You can’t imagine I can re-read how many times and not delete the messages even though my hands gets itchy itchy. I hold on and retreat my hands from doing so. I felt that some of the messages marked that every moment of a certain event. It should be archived and kept as a memory. People might think i'm psychotic?
On the other hand, I would like to compare this shanghai internship with any kind of competition. If asked “What do u wish to achieve in a competition?” I realized most people would reply: “In a competition there’s always win or lose. I think it’s not an issue anymore on the final outcome. What’s more important is the process
过程. I have learnt and grow along the way.” This is the way to answer if u really felt that way. I strongly agree. Many a time people focus too much on the outcome and neglect the process a lot. While, they might forget that the process and lessons stays not the title and frame. From here, I conclude my shanghai OSIP with 3 sets of words:
Fulfilling-Satisfying, Thrilling-Excitement and Disappointing-Depressing.FulfillingSatisfying. I have gained several knowledge and teachings
from SSIC, my internship company, colleagues/mentors, housemates/friends. These are all reflected in my weekly journal and report. Therefore, shall not duplicate it here. I have made new and close friends that are connected to my existing friends. The world is so so so small! Very glad and pleased to have known
liting, yokeling, siew wern, isaac, joedan, gabriel, jason, zhiqiang, eugenia, rebecca. The most fruitful and grateful ones are
cassandra and
phyllis. They are indeed fun-loving, wild, sweet, amazing, great and crazy as ever! U gals paint many rainbows to my plain blue sky. From the bottom of my heart, I thanked ALL ALL ALL of u for the precious moments we had together till the last hours of your stay. Similarly to my fellow mentors-
jean, kaisiang, suzanne and
yiwen. Wanna spend
days eating, shopping, talking or hanging out with suzanne so as to enjoy her laughter, jokes and explore new places. Wanna send a card to kaisiang for the truthful appraisal and feedback for my attitude towards and outside work. Wanna express my gratitude; give a big warmth hug to yiwen for the “sisterly treatment”, marvelous company, chit-chats, headhunting skills and out-of-class lessons taught. May I get to know u better and our friendship become closer and lasts… I would appreciate it.
Thrilling-Excitement. Heard of indoor and outdoor go kart? It may not be a new game but to me, I have been yearning to get on the wheels and vroom! My hunger for driving is beyond. Recall previously I went to esc themed park, queued for almost 2hrs for my turn to experience the go kart. When I’m heading the queue, it suddenly rained! Damn! I was so energized, craving for it the moment I reached the entrance as this is the only game I wanna play. There goes my chance! The go kart station was temp closed. Holy shit! With the amount of time I spent queuing for go kart, my other friends have played all the other rides. Wat a day!
Alright, back to my adventure. First was the IB Quyang outdoor go kart @ chao xi rd. The place was pretty crowded with local teenagers and foreigners, circuit track is spacious however; the go karts are poorly maintained. The reason being all the cars are not protected with extra shields to cover the engine parts. If ever my body were to get contact with the boiling engine, there goes my skin! This makes me worried and afraid but I’m still energized, ever ready to speed! Second is Disc Kart indoor go kart @ zao yang rd. Almost similar to the outdoor kind just that the crowd is filled with older foreigners who are willing to pay so as to challenge amongst for rounds and rounds. Personally I prefer the outdoor type as I’m able to accelerate on the straight road while the indoor has many turns. Phyllis loved the indoor cos it tests more on her drifting skills and she’s having a whole lot of fun! Maybe be cos kolin was there when she tried indoor kart. Sadly to add on, both airs are TERRIBLE plus HORRIBLE plus UNBEATABLE! No where beats the bad pollution created on the tracks?
In addition, the ktv was superb and cheap can! Haoledi ktv has outlets and business is briskly flourishing I can say. For midnight charges (cheapest and reasonable of all), 12-6am, its like RMB$170 (S$34) and normally we go in a grp, aft u divide equally it’s about RMB$20 each, which makes it S$4 each!! Isn’t it dirt cheap? U’ll never find such low rate in SG! Never ever in SG! Yeah… Of course needless to say, I have enjoyed and make full use of the 5hrs! Singing really makes my day, perk me up, shout/scream for all I can, get high and bring the house down! Just loves singing. =D
Disappointing-Depressing. Da biggest and unhappiest issue is MONEY! This is a pain in my ass! It’s such a torture like hell in the cell when you are totally broke! Imagine you are left with barely S$40 to survive for 2 weeks. Just 2 weeks! And u’ll be re-loaded with money. There’s nowhere u can head to except home, there’s no luxuries u can asked for except keep numb about it, there’s no 3 course meal to request for except economical bento sets or soups.
Really u’ll feel like crying everyday without fail. It’s like end of the world or a full stop to your journey. Then when peeps ask u out for dinner or jus somewhere, u jus stick to your firm rejection each time they asked u out. This feeling is awful as u wanted badly to join the crowd and not let them name you are a spoiler but u are pulled back due to money. Hais… had some drinks to drown the sorrows away. but i put on my smile all this while to get on and over with it.
I became penniless faster than I estimated and predicted due to a few causes. They would be unexpected Beijing trip, unexpected tooth incident, unexpected visa fee, lousy amateurish planning and guarding of own finances/expenses derived from “evil” temptations like food shopping entertainment traveling and leisure. Super super sian!!! Well, what comes around goes around so just accept what it is.
The entire OSIP trip at shanghai, fan yu lu was fruitful. Of course there are moments of joys, tears, lost, emptiness, laughter, unhappiness, sorrows, anger, loneliness, loads of fun, gossips and complains. Guess my personality and character do not have drastic changes but realize that things can be handled differently using another approach. I tend to use some time to analyze through before voicing or judging the situation. Therefore my weakness became more evident to myself and should start to reflect in order to become a better person or well liked or accepted by all.
To comment about my working attitude, frankly i would say it SUX? Really sucky and wasn't expected to treat matters this manner until that very moment. At the beginning, i could bravely agreed upon to start on headhunting w/out considering much as simply put, wanted to gain something/skill out of this trip, thought this is my only chance so grabbed hold of this golden opportunity firmly and selfishly. My courage was there supporting. gd job! Don’t be happy too fast ya… Then as the training embarked day by day, hais... my performance was deteriorating very seriously. I became timid, weak, useless, unclear and uncertain of my directions and what's suppose to be done aft instructed clearly, know or don't know also nod my head, afraid to ask what's the issue here... this wasn’t me previously when I can handle my FYP well as a team leader. I asked myself what’s happening to me… Often when asked to make phone calls, my stomach starts to hurt a lot a lot which explains my frequent trips to the toilet. I kept washing waking myself up in the toilet so as to face the music, brace up, give it my shot in the calls I’m gonna make soon. However, I’m struggling with myself, something seems to stop me. Something was controlling, making me very stupid blur lost and in the end, unable to handle/cope with the calls. The inner battle was fighting continuously vigorously and deadly. Blame it on my straight-forward character, I just cannot twist turn rephrase reconstruct the sentences to not-so-straight-forward types.
I admitted I was slow in processing and replying when comes to speech. Now than I discovered that but that does not mean my reasons are valid as outsiders might not think this way. They would just say it as ‘this person really does not fit the job’, ‘is this really that hard/difficult?’, ‘she simply refuses to listen and learn’, ‘how to carry on like this?’. I wanted badly to give up each day. Going to work was a torture to me unless I can change the task assigned or get out of this dilemma. But to no avail. My bad pt: always wanted the easy way out. Therefore, my apologies here. Maybe I’m not easily adaptable to the environment and progress damn slow when comes to new learning. Hence, felt not comfortable with what I’m doing which shows little contribution and low confidence. Shortly aft the other TP BUS housemates left, I knew the root of my problem. I tried to solve it but it just requires some time to accomplish. With much determination and force, I would say if compare my attitude before starting of OSIP and towards ending of OSIP, have changed from negatively to positively. This is a small pleasant achievement. A pat on my back! Although I did not successfully close any search case but manage to shortlist 1 candidate who has agreed on the new job opportunity. Finally I’m pleased with my own performance for once, except for the construction of flash.
@ last I finished this closure! This entry took me months to complete as I’m just not so good with words or expressive using words. I have been slacking at home ever since I return from shanghai, been so useless not doing anything like working, being scolded everyday for wasting time, electricity. What’s next for me?? What’s ahead of me?? Where’s my future?? What’s my career path??
*smacked here @ 25-2-07 sun, 2.50pm*
*smacked here @ 5-3-07 sun, 2am*
Labels: gratitude
3 5:42 PM 4
Little Memories Of The Past
